u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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