Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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