Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
