Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
