Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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