The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
