If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
