boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
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