I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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