Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
