One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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