I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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