He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize