I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
