dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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