just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
