How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
