My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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