the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
