Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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