Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
