also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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