handjob tips. give me some.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
