in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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