This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
