I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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