my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
