And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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