i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
is it fun? or sober?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
