It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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