I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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