you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
