When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
