WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
