Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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