There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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