I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
