One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
