his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
