i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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