My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
