I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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