Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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