You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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