Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
