im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
only if we run a train.
done.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
