i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
