whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
