I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
