i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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