Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
