when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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