He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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