just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
