Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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