I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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