she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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