I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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