He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
