He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
