it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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