my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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