If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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